Hi! I’m Kathryn from Unfiltered Mumma. I’m a wife to Nathan and mumma to two girls. Yvie will be 3 in a few months and Amber is 4 months old. I started blogging just before Yvie turned one. At first it was something to keep me busy, to give me some form of adult communication in a day at home with a tiny human who could only say about 20 different words. But writing has been like therapy for me, to help me process some of the more difficult aspects of mum life and I hope that through writing my blog I’m able to encourage others in their own mum journeys. My aim is to give an open and honest account of motherhood. An unfiltered mumma!
Getting to know you.
If you could live anywhere in the world other than your current home where would it be? From 14 to 18 I grew up in Cornwall. It would be amazing to own a house right next to the sea, or along the Helford River, soaking in the sea air
Do you have any hobbies? Yes! I’m the kind of person who can’t just sit and watch TV in the evening. I need to have something to do, something creative. So I bullet journal to keep my life organised and I’ve been knitting and crocheting since I was a kid. I love making clothes for my family and toys for friends who are having babies. The project I’m most proud of to date is a rainbow star blanket I made for Amber (our rainbow baby) before she was born.
If you had three wishes, what would you wish for? Life to slow down, my babies are growing much too fast and I need it to move in slow mo so I can absorb every moment. To one day be able to buy our own home that I could decorate to look insta perfect and we could get a cat which I’d name Magical Mr Mistoffelees. And finally and most importantly, that my children are happy and that my husband is happy, then I’m happy!
Did you go to college/university? what did you study? I went to college. I did my first year of A levels, studying psychology, English literature and language, drama and fine art. Fine art ended up being my favourite subject as my lecturers were beautiful people and insanely supportive. While I was studying, however, my older brother got ill. He had acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. He died around the time of my exams, so I didn’t sit any of them. I made the decision to leave college and moved away back to where we had lived when I was a child, which is when I met Nathan, so I don’t at all regret leaving college.
Describe yourself in 5 words. Oooh, tough one. I guess… loving, open, creative, introverted and honest.
What is your biggest dream/aspiration? To see my girls grow into good, loving people, reach their goals and achieve their dreams.
Do you have any pets? No. We had hamsters before. I think when we decided we wanted children we got a hamster as a stand in until I got pregnant, which happened a lot sooner than anticipated. Our first one died and the second one we gave to a family after Yvie was born, in the newborn fog a hamster wasn’t our priority so we didn’t feel it was fair to him to keep him so gave him to a family with more time and attention to give. I’d love to get Yvie a pair of Guinea pigs or my magical mr mistoffelees of course but am not allowed…
Whats your favourite TV programmes? Their are loads of current TV series that I’m loving. But the hardcore favourite that I will return to time and time again and binge my way through is, of course, Friends. There is a Friends quote for every moment in life and I could not tell you how many times I’ve watched through them all.
Controversial questions
Breastfeed or Bottle feed? I gave boobing it a go with both girls. Yvie point blank refused to latch on. I was devastated and ended up exclusively expressing all her feeds for 6 weeks before it became too much. I wept in tesco when I bought her first tub of formula, I was still shook up from a traumatic birth and felt like I’d failed her. With Amber I didn’t feel inclined to try but I felt like I should as I had for Yvie, I didn’t want to refuse her something I had given to Yvie. I knew from my first experience not to put the same pressure on myself. She latched on well and we boobed for a week. But worries about her weight gain, a badly cracked nipple and other things going on at the time caused me to change course and she is now on formula. I have had a few hormonal moments when I’ve gotten really upset about it and wished I’d given it longer, I even googled to see how easy it would be to retrigger my lactation… But Nathan is able to help with the feeds this way and I think that has really helped him bond with her which he really struggled to initially.
Stay at home mum or working mum? I stay at home with the girls. It’s not easy, in terms of finances there have been times when we’ve seriously struggled. Some days I’m jealous that Nathan gets to leave the house and go and sit at a desk where he has a constant flow of adult conversation and something to do that keeps his brain acting at a level beyond what a 2 year old needs… But I love being here for my girls and know I’d struggle if I couldn’t be with them every day. Our plan is for me to start working again when the girls are both at school or pre school, unless the need for a second income becomes too great before then.
Have you used the cry it out method, if no would you? So far we haven’t really had a need for it. Yvie was a very good sleeper, we were so lucky with her, spoilt even. We put her down and left her and she’d sleep. She did have a period just after she turned 2 where she struggled to get to sleep at night and would get up and cry for us and wanted us to stay with her, bedtimes could take hours… We ended up doing the super nanny back to bed thing and she was back to normal in no time. Amber isn’t good at napping in the day and wants to be held in order to do so, she goes down in her bed fine at night though. It’s something I need to work on with her but it’s so hard with Yvie to entertain as well. Maybe the cry it out method will be the answer for her… Any advice would be most gratefully received.
Did you use dummies? Yes. I was one of those ‘my kids won’t need a dummy, what would they need one for? I will be their comfort’ people before I had kids. Both girls have had dummies from around 3 weeks old. Yvie only has hers for bed and nap times now and we’ve told her once it breaks its going in the bin and that’s it… We’re willing it to break. Wish us luck!
Have/would you co-sleep? Yes. Both girls have been in bed with us. Yvie doesn’t any more unless she’s ill and when she does she will only go to sleep if Nathan leaves the bed. Amber comes into bed with us after her bottle which she now has somewhere around 5-6am. Although, she’s started waking up earlier wanting to be held and at 2am it’s easier to just scoop her up and bring her into bed than try and get her to settle.
Would you smack your child for discipline? (gentle smack on the hand/bum) Yvie is a very willful toddler. She doesn’t respond to discipline. Even in extreme circumstances when we have given her a light smack (always hate myself afterwards) she just laughs at us. It’s tough and we struggle to find ways to get through to her when she’s being really naughty. I’m concidering starting sticker charts to encourage good behaviour… We’ll see.
Parenting questions
Whats the best/ worst piece of advice you’ve received? Best: ‘take lots of photos they change so fast’. The person who gave me this advice has probably since come to regret it, as not only do I take a lot of photos but I share a lot of photos and am constantly dominating people’s Facebook and Instagram feeds. I’m only a little bit sorry. Worst: I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing when I was given this advice… When Yvie was a newborn an older man we knew from church advised me not to feed her whenever she cried for milk as that would teach her that she could get what she wants when she wants it and encourage ‘spoilt bratty’ behaviour in her. Nope. Advice like that goes straight out the other ear, my baby will be fed when she’s hungry thank you sir.
How have you changed since becoming a parent? Aside from my appearance being more haggard and being a lot more tired… I’m definitely more selfless than I used to be. I’ve learnt more about what love is and the capacity I have to love has amazed me. I’m a lot more patient than I used to be. Also, I never used to pay such close attention to another person’s bowel movements before I became a mum…
Whats been the most difficult part about pregnancy/parenting? I think for both, for me, it is the fear. So much is beyond your control during pregnancy and as a parent and I constantly fear the worst. We lost a baby before Amber and the whole of her pregnancy was shrouded in fear and anxiety. Yvie was hospitalised with breathing problems three times last year. When things are out of my control like that I can not know for sure what the out come will be and this stirs up that fear. Fear that I’m not doing the right thing or doing enough and fear that something may go wrong.
Do you think men often get overlooked and don’t get enough credit as parents? Yes. Because so much of the focus, especially in those early days, is on the mum and baby. The mum has just grown and delivered the baby and of course the baby is the main focus for everyone’s attentions. The dad can easily be overlooked. Also, a lot of the big decisions that need to be made are made by the mum – the birth plan, how the baby will be fed etc. But also no. I find that dad’s get higher praise than mums for doing the same thing. The way people respond to dads is very different to the way they respond to mums. People, especially women I think, will be much quicker to praise a dad and critique a mum. I also don’t like the term ‘hands on dad’, you would never hear a mum being described as ‘hands on’. It’s as though a dad taking an active role is a special achievement. That being said, the dad in my girls’ lives is particularly amazing and I’m incredibly grateful to be doing this crazy adventure with him.
Did you have an idea of the type of parent you wanted to be and have you lived up to your own expectations? My thoughts into motherhood prior to becoming a mum never really went past the newborn days. I saw myself and Nathan with a newborn baby all loved up in our little family bubble. Maybe it was a bit naive but I never thought any further afield to weaning or discipline or potty training or anything like that. So I never really thought about what kind of mum I’d be…
Have you received any negative comments since being a parent? . A woman pulled a face when she heard me telling Yvie off in the supermarket the other week, she probably didn’t think I’d see. I was once told that I don’t discipline Yvie well enough. I’m under no illusion that I am the perfect mum, so people are bound to have negative things to say about me. I just know I’m doing the best I can. No one else can rightly judge how well I’m doing as a mum to my girls because that’s a role nobody else has ever had. It’s taken some time but I think my skin has thickened up enough that I’m able to brush off (most) negativity.
Would you like more children? Yes! They grow up too quickly, I’d always like to have a newborn to sniff but there’s probably a limit to how many I’d cope with. I think if our finances and mental capacity allows we’d happily have a third. Time will tell.
Do you have a good support system around you if you need a break? My in laws are amazing and always available to help when it’s needed. My own parents currently live in Cornwall but will be moving closer very soon. It will be amazing to have them live a 15 minute walk away rather than a 5-6 hour drive! Having grown up with no grandparents I really appreciate how valuable they are and my girls are so lucky to have 2 sets of amazing ones. As well as family we also have some incredible friends who love our girls as blood relatives would, I have dubbed them the ‘surrogate’ uncles and aunts.
Whats you favourite thing about being a parent? How could I pinpoint one thing?! I love all the love, the cuddles and kisses (especially the ones you don’t have to ask for), seeing them learn and knowing it’s as a result of your input, watching them bond with and love on each other… I could go on for days, there’s so much to love about motherhood!
Lastly, if you could give a soon to be mum/dad one piece of advice what would it be? Firstly, prepare for the labour, that’s your first hurdle. I can’t recommend hypnobirthing enough to any expectant mother! Neither of my deliveries were conventional (2 emergency c sections) but Amber’s delivery was a beautiful experience in contrast to the trauma of Yvie’s and that is down to hypnobirthing.
mombie diaries 
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